Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
