oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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