my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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