as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize