positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
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I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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