It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
