ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
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Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize