If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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