WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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