she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
