Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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