I feel great
I just peed on a car
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
