Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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