and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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