my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
