Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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