Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
