You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
third nipple confirmed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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