3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
