I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
