I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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