i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
