I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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