Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
