listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
