I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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