he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
