Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
