I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
