i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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