guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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