Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
