I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
