im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
