the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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