i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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