My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
