how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize