I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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