Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!