Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?