There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.