You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads