All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
