I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed