one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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