You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
