Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
