everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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