I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
