If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
