First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
