i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
