The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
