please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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