I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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