My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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