Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
