great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
