I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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