Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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