boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
