a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
