Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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