mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
