defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
