a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
